Thursday, September 8, 2011

Silly Sex Laws

  I recently read an article in the newspaper The Telegraph about a woman in France suing her husband for lack of sex and then receiving 10,000 euros for her trouble. Due to article 215 of France's civil code, "sexual relations must form a part of marriage," so I got to asking myself, "self, what kind of weird and unusual sex laws does the good ol US of A have on the books?  After much drilling on the issue I came up with pay dirt.  Here are a handful of my favorite silly sex laws  written by our freedom loving polititicans that were or currently are on the books. Granted, many if not all of these silly laws are hardly ever enforced, but that doesn't mean it doesn't deserve my mockery anyway.

 Merryville Missouri prohibits women from wearing corsets. Well, merry ville lawmakers, I guess there won't be any playboy clubs cumming to your little area anytime soon considering the corset is the official uniform of the playboy bunny. Women had to fight for the right to vote, fight for equal pay for equal work, fight for the right to control their bodies, now they have to fight for the right to wear clothes. If a woman wants to wear a piece of clothing so tight it cuts off circulation to all major organs just so they can look like Jessica Rabbit I say let them.

 In Virginia it is illegal to have sex with the lights on.  Wait, now that I think about it, this is a great law! Think about it, when did the 1 Night In Paris sex tape really take off and get interesting? When the lights went out. Night vision? Green sex? Tell me that's not hot. The law needs to go even further and ban day sex, that way hot and ugly chicks would get equal lovin.

  As recently as 1990 states had laws against using dildos. What's the matter polititicans from Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi Alabama,South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Washington D.C? Dildo envy? Was the plastic penis getting more action than the actual one? You thought you'd get back at the vibration sensation by banning him didn't you? but you couldn't get them banned forever because the dildo lobby is just too powerful.

Eighteen states including Kansas and Utah make oral sex illegal. This commie law is a two for one. Not only does it deny the pleasure of a man tickling the tonsils of a willing wet mouth, it also denies the pleasure of a woman getting her kitty licked by a tasty tongue. I and the rest of the tea baggers from the Tea Party movement will be picketing and protesting all eighteen states until you polititicians receive the pearl necklace of wisdom needed to overturn such a law!

 All sexual positions banned in Washington D.C with the exception of missionary. Seriously? See this is why our nations capital can't get state hood.  It also explains why polititicans in Washington and Congross can't get any big things done. They love the status quo and lack imagination.

  Until next time....

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